On Jan 31 my father in law Allan passed away suddenly at home. Words fail at a time like this but I was able to write him a letter to express what he meaned to me. He was so much more to me that just my father in law. He was my biggest fan, my partner in crime, my children's Papa, my husbands best friend, my...
family.
Life is short. Tell those you love how much you love them. Don't waste time on things that don't matter or waste energy on feelings that are hurtful. Our time is too precious to spend it doing anything but trying to be happy.
Dear Allan,
I miss you so much. I have only known you for 13 short years but you have made such an impression on my heart that there will forever be a piece of it missing now that you are gone. I owe you so much, you have been such a big part of my happiness. You created and molded the love of my life. I know you know how special Adam is because he is so much like you. How many times over the years have I shaken my head at something you did or said and marvel at how much you two are alike. You would say something to Ann or have a certain mannerism and I would say, “Oh my God Adam does the same thing”. He is a little lost without you…we all are. You were his best friend and he loved just being with you. You filled up a room with your presence and that is going to be greatly missed. My only peace is that you live on in him, your other boys, and our little girls.
You immediately welcomed me into your family with open arms. You even said to Adam early on in our relationship, “Don’t screw this one up”. That makes me laugh. You always made me feel like I was “your girl” and the daughter you never had. After 3 boys you treated me like a princess and I loved every minute of it. You always greeted me with that infectious smile and a big bear hug. I was special in your eyes and you even let me sit in your favorite chair. You loved me like you loved everyone, with your whole heart. Here was this big tough man on the outside but you were such a gentle, kind soul. You never missed one of my gymnastics meets in college. There you were having no clue about this gymnastics stuff but having enough appreciation for athletics in general to be my biggest fan. I loved when you would try to coach me afterwards even though you had no idea what the moves were called. You were so curious about everything. You made people feel like you really cared about them, and you truly did.
We would sit on the porch of Duck Lake together a lot. Everyone else would be inside or out on the dock but you and I had some good talks out there in those rocking chairs. I would be hugely pregnant, or sunburned, or just trying to escape the craziness and there you would be right beside me. I’m going to miss that so much.
What breaks my heart the most is that our little girls won’t get to grow up knowing their incredible Papa.You would have loved to see them do anything when they were older, whether it was gymnastics or under water basket weaving. You would have been there in the stands cheering the loudest. When we asked Grace what she loved most about her papa, she said he plays with me, tells me stories, and says, “where can I get me one of those mushbeards?!”. You always made her laugh. You got such a kick out of her and her spunky personality. Your voice will forever resonate in my head telling her that she was the most beautiful girl in the whole world. The look on your face holding those babies when they were born will also be imprinted in my memory forever. You could not have loved those girls any more, they were your pride and joy and you let them and everyone else know it.
Thank you for loving us like nobody else can. I am not sure what we are going to do without you. What I do know that we now have the ultimate guardian angel watching over us.
I love you,
Jane
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